When I was a kid I remember being very creative and independent. I was initially the baby along with two older brothers and my big sister. My little sister came along later. Anyway, my sister (who was the oldest among us) took me under her wing. The fascinating part about she and I is that we were born on the same day eleven years apart.
She was very lonely being the only girl, so she was happy when I was born on her birthday. We had a special bond and I looked up to her. She was beautiful to me. I wanted to be like her. Every time we’d go somewhere together people would look at us and ask if we were siblings. While typing this blog I am sitting under an old fashioned hair dryer just like the one my sister used to have. As I look at myself in the full length mirror in front of me, I realize how much I look like the woman I used to admire. I recently posted on Facebook that I was not close to my siblings. However, my big sister and I were very close, but we lost our connection along the way. She and I are alike in many ways, but what separates us is that we have a different view and philosophy on life especially when it comes to God, sexuality, or gender identification. For those of you who don’t know, I am a male to female transgender woman. My sister see’s black and white, I see shades of grey. I’m flexible with my beliefs- she’s not.
I’ve been thinking a lot about family lately since my niece Amber moved into town. She is the love of my life. Eleven years ago her family moved from Louisiana (where we are originally from) to Sacramento California. About two years ago I moved to Los Angeles to pursue my career and that is when Amber and I began communicating. She is in the entertainment business and has been longing to live in Los Angeles to pursue her passion. We’ve been discussing living together for over a year and now she is finally in LA. As a matter of fact, right here with me asleep in my bed. Although its been a long time since I’ve seen her, our bond feels as if its never been broken.
I don’t have children of my own, but I have sixteen nieces and nephews, one great nephew, and another one the way. I baby sat most of them, but I didn’t do a very good job of staying connected as they grew older. However, I hoped that one day they would pass through my life again. My wish came true. I feel like my niece is my daughter. My brother and her mother did an amazing job of raising Amber. Now I feel that I get to take the torch from here.
She has no idea how much life she has breathed into me. I feel needed, loved, respected, admired, and looked up to. She wants to learn how to be a better woman. At the ripe age of twenty-two she has not yet been tainted by life and its sometimes bitter taste. I want to give her my wisdom in hopes that she will have an easier time navigating through life. I’ve already had the opportunity to help her solve a dilemma she was in. Of course for it seemed as if it was the end of the world. Along with assuring her that it was in fact not the end, I shared my stories of similar situations that I’d been in.
She is a very fast life learner just like me. From that one situation, she figured out some things about herself that need to be adjusted. She took responsibility for what she did wrong and handled it like a woman. The situation was resolved. I fell in love with a man over a year ago. It was the first time I’d ever loved unconditionally. Although it was a beautiful experience the problem is that he wasn’t in love with me. I feel that love for my niece but in a different way, a better way. And best of all, I know for sure that she loves me back. I would give my life for her.
Our lives are nothing if we don’t have love or give it to someone. I know that a lot of people close their hearts off from loving or being loved because they’ve been hurt too many times. If you are one of those people, open your heart again. Love is not going to always be reciprocated, but the blessing is being able to give it freely and always being open to receive it. I have an abundance of love to give. Blogging is my way of sharing my love with you. Receive it.