When I think of it, I never really thought about whether or not I had an attractive face. As I check the farthest depths of my memory bank, and try to remember what I thought of myself as I looked in the mirror, nothing comes to mind. However, I do recall thinking that my nose was too big and my hair was nappy. Early on I ended up over compensating for everything. I became obsessed with styling my hair in different ways, and I always had to be well dressed. I ended up creating a self-image that was exhausting to keep up with. But admittedly I enjoyed the attention.
People have always starred at me because of the way I carry myself. And as far as I can remember, I’ve walked with my back straight and nose up in the air. That was another way of fooling myself into believing that I liked who I was. The fact is that I had no clue as to who I was beyond my outer appearance. Recently I was still considering having rhinoplasty (nose surgery) until I shared that information with a client. This woman looked at me with authority and told me that if I changed any of the bone structure on my face, I would be making a big mistake. She said this with such conviction that instantly the idea of a nose job completely left my mind. Another great piece of advice that she’d given me was that when we (women in particular) look in the mirror, we often zero in on what we think is negative on our face. She then said that if we’d simply look in the mirror and see our face in its entirety- we’d realize that everything fits perfectly- and that we are beautiful just the way we are.
In our lifetime we will always have periods of rediscovering ourselves. Years ago when I was experiencing one of those times in my life, I realized that I was so much more than my outer appearance. I am much more than my sexuality or the gender I identify as. If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs you know that I am a transgender female. Once I started HRT (hormone replacement therapy) my face began to change dramatically. My skin is softer, I have no more acne, and my already keen features have become more pronounced. I have never in my life been called beautiful as much as I have lately, and it’s a little unnerving. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather be called pretty than not, but people are often blinded by beauty and miss what’s really important. I know it sounds cliche, but the truest beauty really does come from within. People admire my physical appearance, but I know for sure it’s the light within that illuminates me. The inner beauty takes more work than it costs to pay a plastic surgeon. Sadly, this is why most people avoid it.
“People say that beauty fades. I say that if you take care of your interior and exterior, you can be beautiful forever!”
Now that I’ve learned to love the person inside of this shell I call my body, I can look in the mirror and admire what I see knowing that it’s superficial. Beauty is an illusion that can also be a serious trap in more ways than one. It’s unfortunate that we live in a society that is all about glitz and glamour. But if we do the inner work we can live beyond that. I’m not saying that we should not care about what we look like because we should always take care of our body. When we look in the mirror and like what we see, we often feel better about who we are. However, my point is that one day our souls will shed our body. When that day comes, we will be certain that the inner work was the most important because it is only then that we will truly be at peace.