Is Honesty The Best Policy?


I grew up in a family that gave you the brutal truth whether you asked for it or not. It was very common for us to sit around and discuss each others ‘flaws’ and laugh hysterically. For most of my life I would give that brutal honesty to anyone who crossed my path- most of the time hurting people’s feelings without even knowing it. My ex used to say that I was ‘cruel to be kind’.

It wasn’t until my thirties that I realized I needed to make some adjustments, and perhaps take the brutality out of my honesty. It was a difficult task, but I finally understood that I didn’t have to open my mouth for or about everything. I also discovered that everyone isn’t quite ready for the truth. And for those who are prepared for it, still need it dressed in a little compassion. I have to admit that sometimes it eats me alive to have to keep my big mouth shut. However, I deal with it by myself, within myself, and then I move on. Often you just have to wait for the right timing to tell someone the truth. I’ve learned to listen to my inner voice when it comes to knowing when to tell it, and when not to.


Recently I’ve decided to put myself out there into the online dating scene again. This is my first time as a transgender woman actively seeking to date. At first I was a little anxious because I wrote in my headline, and in the body of my profile that I am a trans woman. I got a couple of rejections, but for the most part if they read my profile and aren’t interested, there is simply no response at all. I began wondering if telling the truth about being transgender was a good idea, and a friend of mine even suggested that I not be forward about it. But I feel like it wouldn’t be fair to me or the other person. I would feel like a fraud, and then risk being seriously rejected or even worse- brutalized after telling the truth too late. That’s not how I operate. It kinda hurts my feelings when these guys don’t give me a chance. And then when someone wants to talk to me, he ends up being a jerk.

I used to think that something was emotionally wrong with me for attracting the wrong men. However, I suddenly had a revelation that the problem was not with me. And that is when things began to change. I finally got to have a conversation with a good looking man who was a gentleman. He was the first to tell me that he read my profile and liked everything I said. I have no idea if I will talk to him again or ever meet him, but he gave me hope that being honest definitely is the best policy, especially in this case.


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