It’s become more apparent to me that sometimes even in the closest friend circles bullying occurs. It may not be intentional, but somehow we lose sight of the way we speak to one another. We may think we’re ‘just joking around’, but that doesn’t mean our words don’t hurt. I myself have been dealing with this for a while. I tried to pretend the way a friend was talking to me didn’t bother me. So what, she picked fun at my math skills. I’m not that great at math, that was obvious. After a while though, I started to realize that her words we’re affecting me, and my self-confidence was falling. When I questioned her about it, she responded by saying ‘she didn’t even realize she was saying it’. This was a natural response, considering we joke around and have friendly banter all the time. The question was, when did it become too much? When did her words go from friendly, to hurtful?

This type of bullying occurs in all friend circles. When I became aware it was happening to me, I noticed it happening to others as well. All too often I hear people saying something that may be a joke, but still has the power to tear someone down:  ‘You’re ginger, you have no soul’, ‘you’re so dumb’, ‘you b****’. Just because the person doesn’t come out and say it, it doesn’t mean they’re okay with what’s being said. We need to take the time and think about what we’re saying.

Bullying is no more than a chain reaction. Someone is bullied about their hair, their clothes, or even their math skills by someone (a friend, a family member, a stranger). To make themselves feel better, they may begin picking fun at someone else, this could be someone in their friend circle, or someone they don’t know. Either way, they are trying to make themselves feel better at the cost of someone else.

If we were able to spin our words from a negative to a positive, we could break this chain reaction. In my case, when I was being taunted about my math skills, it would have been just as easy for my friend to reassure me I would get better, not just remind me about how bad I was. The point of a friend, is to have someone you can count on when life gets difficult. We need to focus on building each other up, not tearing each other down. Whether it’s unintentional or unknowing, words still hurt. It’s up to us to think about what we say before we say it.